Quotes I've collected from various people throughout the past few years. And it's still growing...slowly...my standards for quoteable material have risen. And I know you're all smart enough to render this unnecessary but just as a disclaimer, absolutely nothing on this page is to be taken seriously. Except for this paragraph obviously (or is it?).
Wimba gods? ummm *note to self* Mr. Sumpter is OFFICIALLY crazy!! --Lauren Abens
Yay, Mr. Sumpter says I don't have to go to college--Daniel Call
Hello my fellow Sumpterites...how goes it?--Daniel Call
Do you have idiot issues?--Jordan Faries
Like a Nike swoosh over your Pastor...Just Pew It--Daniel Call
You don't see it? This big loaf of toast right here?--Jordan Faries
Um, Kari, you are no longer allowed to go to Starbucks within 20 minutes of class--Mr. Etter
Wow, Mr. Etter has gone off the deep end--Kari Owen
Oh you idiot, we're gonna die--Jordan Faries (after he discovered I told my sister to speak with an English accent for two weeks straight)
When in doubt, say "Smeagol"--Abigail Faries
The frog eye bounced--Kari Owen
From ugly to...oh, no, I'm not going to look at that--Kristin Owen
How can you do it so....dumbly?--Abigail Faries
Ooh, ooh, you can change his hairstyle! Ha ha ha, I love this game--Jordan Faries
Are those decorations or edible?--Jordan Faries (pointing at cupcakes)
Smeagol--Abigail Faries
Heh heh heh, thanks Ruby, yeah, I wasn't exactly sure what to say in the middle of my prayer...lunatic, psychopath, not exactly words you want in a prayer.--Mr. Etter
Kristin was reading it earlier and she like gasped and was like hitler was so rude! and i was like YA THINK? --Kari Owen
Wow, you actually did some work. How uncharacteristic of you.-- Mr. Duncan
Admit it, admit it, you just got OWNED! O-N-E-D!--Jordan Faries
What was Philemon's social position?--Mr. Hughes
Male person.--Kari Owen
Very specific, kari...I'm sure that's what he was looking for--Kristin Owen
I'm sure too...I get that warm fuzzy feeling when I know I answered correctly.--Kari Owen
Ooh, Ooh, I know a sentence in latin! It's like to say "Oh you're so dumb" or something.--Abigail Faries
I give you permission to name yourself the Grand High Llama of Dumb People--Jordan Faries
No, seriously, that dream I had when I was six of a two-headed llama wearing armour eating bananas and playing mah-jongg was traumatizing--Jordan Faries
Okay, here's the plan, we steal your cake and the crumble and move to Siberia permanently--Alexandra Myles
You could be famous for being burned at the stake by computer-lovers--Jordan Faries
Robert, are you okay? No? Good--Mr. Bough
Nathaniel, how dangerous do you think it would be to jump off a bridge with either your feet on fire or spraying a can of Baygon into a lighter?--Dan Fiddick
Okay guys, seriously, in the first ten seconds of seriousness in this class...--Mr. Etter
Would you rather be locked up in a cage with nothing to eat but food...--Alexandra Myles
Abigail came out and said, "I feel greedy." then looked at my plate and said, "Oh wait, never mind."--Stephanie Myles
Yay I've been quoted more than once...I feel special--Alexandra Myles
Why don't we talk about idiots?--Jordan Faries
Okay, we'll talk about you, then--Stephanie Myles
Seriously Nathaniel, if you're going to vomit from laughing you should at least know what was so funny--Alexandra Myles
No, seriously guys, if you look at 1 Peter 6, running over into chapter 7 you will see, no, seriously guys, you will see that there was a Lear jet waiting at the cross to whisk Jesus away--Mr. Etter
See, I'd make this nice low drive and see you off in the opposite corner that I drove to, and I turn around to see it finish and all I see is Little Man going "AAAAAAAAAH", hitting the ball, and I watch it, and go "Darnit"--Theo (insert last name here) (NB This was after a seriously close game of squash...he was referencing me when he said "Little Man")
Okay, so if a barber was able to cut off a cubic centimeter of Jordan's hair each second, how long would it take for him to be shaved completely bald?--Me
Depends...am I attacking him while he's doing this or not?--Jordan Faries
Don't eat my bellybutton--Patrick Faries
We could go up to Chris's house and throw water balloons at passing cars--Scott Sousa
YEAH! That would be awesome!--Tucker Franks
Jordan, you look like a dog--Alexandra Myles
I am--Jordan Faries
Well, of course you could die, like a plane could come and hit your boat. But the chances of that happening are so small we tend to ignore them--James Feathers
Man, it should be illegal to pitch that slow!--Micah (insert last name here)
Half of our conversation is quotes, the other half is in random song--Jordan Faries
That wasn't me...that was all gravity, not me--Jordan Faries
An instructor never is too fast or too slow; he goes at precisely the pace he means too--Mr. Davis
If you know what I mean, cause I don't--David Franks
False Start, entire offensive line, five yard penalty, repeat first down--Ref in Packers-Bengals game
I got a great idea! How about we have, once a year, an "Eat Week" where we pig out on all the things we're not normally allowed to have, like All-Bran, and Special K...and if we go really extreme we might even have granola bars--Jordan Faries
I'm always right--50% of the time--Luke (insert last name here)
Oh, yes, we must spend time discussing the fallacies of the Magic School Bus--Jordan Faries
Don't forget to follow your dreams....unless your dreams are stupid--Eugene Mirman
I'm boycotting the letter "c"...oh wait, "boycott" has a "c" in it.--Abigail Faries
So whenever you see someone called "Chris" you have to shout "I'm spelling your name with a 'k'!"--Abigail Faries
Maybe this will get her attention: CS LEWIS CS LEWIS SCREWTAPE!--Olivia Shipp
No no no...you have to threaten to burn C.S. Lewis' books...THAT gets her attention--Me
I'M BURNING THE MAGICIANS NEPHEW WANT TO JOIN ME EVERYONE--Olivia Shipp
Liv, thou scumbag--Emily Cook
The most hilarious thing happened on the bus ride home...I had Charlotte's bus pass, and when I showed it to the driver he said, "Your name is CHARLOTTE???" So I just said "Well, my mom really wanted a girl so she just named me that...everyone calls me Charlie."--Jordan Faries
Yeah, see, that's why I've lost so much hair...potatoes falling on my head in orchestra--Mr. Knights
So if I asked you to play twice that, could you?--Mr. Knights
No--Orchestra
Okay, three times then, ready AND!--Mr. Knights
Help, help! I can't find "W" in the dictionary!--Abigail Faries
Yeah, hopefully Christmas break will work...if not I say we kidnap you guys. All we will need is two helicopters, a ninja, an elephant and an egg sandwich, and I should be able to kidnap you guys inconspicuously--Alexandra Myles
Why the egg sandwich?--Me
It's bait. I could send in the ninja with the egg sandwich and make your parents chase him around the house, then break through the door with the elephant, then kidnap you guys and tie you to the elephant, then one of the helicopters could pick us up and the other for the ninja, then the ninja will give me the egg sandwich to eat (because your parents won't catch the ninja cause he's a ninja), simple and easy. Honestly, how could you not know why I needed the egg sandwich?--Alexandra Myles
This is all easy. It's coming up with the words that's hard--Kaylie Brown
Um, were you the one who listened to The Mormon Choir singing Joy to the World sixty-eight times?--Jordan Faries
Pre-flood sale! Come get your cubits here!--Mr. Baker
Okay, Nathaniel, when you get to Athens I want you to find a spot where an ancient rhetor would have spoken, do an H3, look at the chart, an H3 with your left arm and right shoulder and say "I am from Bermuda and am taking over the world!"--Mr. Baker
I have some good news for you guys. The first piece of good news is that the student who got it right the first time also got it right the second time. The second piece of good news is that most of you were able to list the five parts of the rhetorical canon. The third piece of good news is that all your names were spelled correctly. The fourth piece of good news is that the teacher hasn't forgotten the correct answer despite the wide disperity of answers you are throwing at me with the express intent to confuse me!--Mr. Baker
But it matters not!...if you divide it like this...and this...and then you have a nice pair of shades and a smily face--Mr. Baker
Great minds think alike...actually I disagree with that, great minds think for themselves...but it's a cool phrase anyways--Dietrich Obermeyer
And the Lord said 'Lobest thine Holy Hand Grenade towards thy foe, that I may smite and blow him to tiny bits'--Erik Oberg
You should quote that--Jordan Faries
Quote what?--Me
What I just said--Jordan Faries
No--Me
You know, Charlotte has deceptive speed...she's a lot slower than she looks--Jordan Faries
Abigail, are you seriously walking around with two teddy bears singing "Rock-a-bye Baby"?--Me
But they're cute!--Abigail Faries
What's the worst that could happen?--Jordan Faries
Well you could die--Me
You realize that if you land awkwardly and blood starts spurting out I'm not going to be able to help you cause I'm going to faint, right?--Jordan Faries
There is no such thing as a plea of innocence in my court; a plea of innocence is guilty of wasting my time. Guilty--Some judge somewhere (fictional, perhaps...I really don't know)
So have you built that time machine yet?--Landon Nichols
Not quite. Still working on the temporal quasiplasmatic-torque. I've lost three siblings so far. Not a good track record--Me
Are you still talking about the time machine?--Abigail Faries
Sorta...he says I need a Greek name--Me
You need a Calvin and Hobbes name--Abigail Faries
I want a RED Mickey Mouse and Pluto cup...and oh! Donald Duck! Bonus!--Abigail Faries
You realize you're dancing with a dog?--Abigail Faries
I don't know what a "theorem" is....but I say it a lot--Jordan Faries
Just when you think you've seen the most beautiful place in Bermuda, you see something else--Some tourist who obviously hadn't seen Horseshoe Bay before...
I name this cake "Vernal River"--Dr. Kane
After you have finished copying this into your depository of notes, be it a notebook, Word document, brain, iPod, stone engraving, or painting it on your bedroom walls against your parents' wishes, give me a green check when you're done.--Mr. Baker
May I ask you a rather personal question?--Abigail Faries
Yes...if you must--Jordan Faries
What drugs are you on?--Abigail Faries (all spoken in a Monty Python woman voice)
Pretty much whenever her mouth is moving you can assume she's being sarcastic. So right there she was being sarcastic--Aunt Deanne
I knew that--Me
I was being sarcastic--Aunt Deanne (during Christmas dinner when my aunt and cousin kept taking advantage of the fact I can never tell when they're being sarcastic)
My line-up's like an infirmary!--Jordan Faries
If you eat a banana and turn yellow, is it the banana's fault?--Jordan Faries
You know, it would help if you played in the key I'm singing in--Jamie Thane
I am--Joanne Thane
And the Lord spake, saying, ‘First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.’” -Book of Armaments, Chapter Two, Verses 9 to 21--Monty Python (quoted in class by Erik Oberg)
I'm trying to figure out how people find holes in this stuff..haha--Olivia Shipp
I'm trying to figure out how people find anything in this stuff--Savannah Beran (during a discussion of Euclid's Elements)
You got the sarcasm! Good boy!--Olivia Shipp
I'm not surprised you haven't gotten this one...the other class had to battle through this one too--Mr. Keller
hjdfsjdsahkj--Ruth Elizabeth Wood
I think Ruth's got it...she just spelled it wrong--Mr. Keller
If you're trying to get Nathaniel into any state of emotion, it's a lost cause--Olivia Shipp
If you get lonely, and need a dose of craziness, seeing as your family wont be there to give it to you, you can come over here--Stephanie Myles
Yeah, I may need some craziness booster shots as well...thanks for the reminder...it would have been pretty sad to forget that and run low on craziness--Me
Could you imagine?! You be, like, NORMAL!--Stephanie Myles
I need to remember that I have to tell you when I'm being sarcastic--Aunt Deanne
That was sarcasm--Aunt Deanne
Are you talking about YOUR message or MINE?--Me
Yours. I'm proud of you--Aunt Deanne
I see--Me
Don't ruin my dream! Tell me you MEANT to be sarcastic!--Aunt Deanne
Yes yes I did. I'm just so clueless I was unsure if you were trying to be sarcastic--Me
Nathaniel, you have a ride home?--Cheresa Lemaire
Yes--Me
And a cell phone just in case?--Cheresa Lemaire
Yes--Me
And it works?--Cheresa Lemaire
Yes--Me
And it's charged?--Cheresa Lemaire
Yes--Me
All the way up?--Cheresa Lemaire
Yes--Me
Okay just checking--Cheresa Lemaire
Life is a chess game...and I play checkers--Ruth Elizabeth Wood
It's like an Italian food--Me
Spaghetti?--Abigail Faries
No, more general--Me
Italian food?--Abigail Faries (this was during a game of Catch Phrase...the word was "pasta")
NATHANIEL! Why are you sitting over here by yourself?--David Franks
I like it here...I like being on my own.--Me
No. Come over here with everyone else--David Franks
It won't make a difference...I won't talk at all--Me
*starts dragging my chair over* Fine then. Just sit HERE eating your pizza and not talking--David Franks
Even I don't know how to play that...I have no idea how you're able to play that--Olga Zeidle (my [former] piano teacher)
Mr. Keller, how bad would it be if I went over, say, 2000 words?--Me
Nathaniel if you do that I will burn down Bermuda. Overachiever making the rest of us look bad *mutters*--Olivia Shipp
I am a bean I have no friends I drink coffee I am a cannibal please oh please be my friend I'm just a lonely bean oh please oh please dont make me soup I'm just a lonely bean--Olivia Shipp (If you see this, copy/paste it in a message to Olivia Shipp and tell her I sent you...)
I'll give that to you for one hundred bucks--Jamie Thane
No thanks--Me
But it's a collectors item! You'll regret it someday--Jamie Thane
My desk is collecting enough stuff as it is. That would just get lost in it--Me
Trust me you'll regret it. Someday you'll see it on eBay for a million dollars and be like "And I could have had that!"--Jamie Thane (we were talking about this massive 512 kilobyte memory card...for comparison the average picture taken by an average digital camera is about 25,000 kilobytes)
Honestly if I threw myself around on court like you do I don't think I'd get up for a month--Patrick Foster (my squash coach)
Admit your inner penguin--Jordan Faries
My hat blew off while I was on the top deck of the tour bus. At the next stop I got off and sprinted as fast as I could for ten blocks...but then I realized I had run the wrong way--Jordan Faries
Are you just saying this because you have verbal diarreah or are you actually trying to make a point?--Timothy Faries (my dad)
A french fry cannot be a non-french fry. F, being french fry, cannot be equal to non-french fry, which is an F marked by a tilda which negates the--why are we talking about french fries?--Jordan Faries (same conversation as the above quote)
This is pathetic; I can't think of a thing to say--Kaylie Brown (when we met at Lake Louise)
He will always have a special place in the cess pit of my heart--Abigail Faries
Sam, quit while you're ahe--no, you're not ahead at all. Just quit--Chris West
I know, Nathaniel, but I don't go anywhere without my meat cleaver--Kristin Owen
Well remind me to stay out of arm's reach, then--Me
You know you want a hug now--Kristin Owen
Oh NO! We're taking the same exam! That means we'll have to compare scores! It'll be: Here's David (holds hand at waist height), here's Nathaniel (holds hand above head), and here's the top bar (indicates somewhere in between)--David Franks
"The Twelve Days of Christmas" never made sense to me...what would you do if you were given a partridge in a pear tree?--Me
I'd go, "Uhhhh..."--Abigail Faries
...or ten lords a-leaping--Me
I'm pretty sure that's illegal--Abigail Faries
*sings* "On the twelfth day of Christmas my (former) true love gave to me..."--Me
I'll just muddle my way through somehow--Alissah McGill
Story of my life right there--Me
I think it's the story of a lot of people's lives--Alissah McGill
Wait a second...this exam is exactly the same as the study guide. Same amount of logic questions, same amount of...wait. I don't have to answer all these logic questions, do I? It doesn't say....ooooooooh this is the study guide--Jordan Faries
I wouldn't accept anything less than Oxford--My dad (addressing my sister)
What about me?--Jordan Faries
If you never get incarcerated that would be great--My dad
Do sparrows like snow?--Abigail Faries
No, they hibernate--Jordan Faries
It would be a mercy on our part to gag you--Me (directed at Abigail)
He's smarter than he looks--Mr. Saini
Are you saying I look dumb?--Graydon (insert last name here)
You said it, not me--Mrs. Harper
Am I really the only one who's intentionally been making this conversation as awkward as possible? You mean you guys have just been saying these things?--Christopher Grossack
Actually, you're the only one who's been talking--Me
I hate logic!--Christopher Grossack
No birthday punches. Don't you guys read the newspaper? Those kids got expelled for giving that guy birthday punches...well...he did end up with broken ribs and all--Germiko Hill
So if we don't break his ribs, we're fine? Like, I could rupture his spleen?--Me
Well, we don't really do first aid around here...so...unless you wanted to drape him over the back of your bike and drive him to the hospital...--Germiko Hill
That would be illegal--Me (I wasn't legally allowed to have passengers on my bike at the time of this quote)
But it would be entertaining. We go for entertainment around here--Germiko Hill
He said only those who are true believers should partake in the Lord's Supper. And I think he said only members of the church but don't quote me on that--Steven Brandt
I'm too American, I can't do this sarcasm thing--Emily Cook
I got seven out of fifteen...that's pretty bad--Abigail Faries
That's less than fifty percent--Me
No...it's seven out of fifteen. Fifty percent is seven point five...oh wait.--Abigail Faries (this was on a math lesson)
Okay, I have an idea for our frisbee team name...team OJ!--OJ Barnett
How about "Four Frisbee Players and OJ"?--Becket Simmons
How come I'm the butt of every joke?--OJ Barnett
I think I deserve a Medal of Honour for not killing anyone this week.--Mrs. Harper
I love that pre-trip rush. It's like being on drugs--Abigail Faries
Hey, I just want to say your idea of "easy classes" kinda makes me want to punch you in the face...just saying--Alexandra Myles (my BBM status was along the lines of linear algebra being easy...)
Relative to calculus, chemistry, and physics I think you'd agree...matrices are not hard by any stretch of the imagination--Me
That doesn't help the condition of your soon-to-be-broken nose...-Alexandra Myles
If Abigail were ice cream, she would be butter pecan: no one really likes it that much, yet it always shows up at parties and gatherings. Also, she tastes like butter. --Jordan Faries
Who needs a girlfriend when we have CALCULUS!?--Me
There is something really wrong with you--Christopher Grossack
You mean really right--Me
By the way, congrats on making V8 come out of my nose...I was drinking it when I read that--Christopher Grossack
Be proud of me though. I've managed to keep off the temptation of googling "bleeding bellybuttons"--Abigail Faries
If I get this right it'll be a miracle--Calc Prof
Class time is up, thank God--Calc Prof
I've always hated the Patriots....ever since I got here--Matteo Miriello
They're useful, they give insight on the game and little fun facts--Alessio Marcogliese
And today's fun fact; Tom Brady can fit five marshmallows in his mouth!--Phillipe Miriello
...and so the answer is 1. That's pretty straightforward--Calc Prof
It really is straightforward. Normally he just says that--Student
Need to learn to walk before we can run--Calc Prof
Well we've been learning to fly before we can walk this whole time--Me
Whenever I think of Scotland I think of dwarfs--Marvin Chang
That running water sound reminds me of public restrooms where the urinals are flushing--Mark Tsai
What is wrong with you?--Lester Liao
That was one of the relatively simple problems....s***--Calc Prof
Oookay let's start this one again--Calc Prof
